Becoming A Beacon?

A bit of history before I begin this story. Despite having higher functioning Aspergers, I have always been able to pick up on certain things. Feelings, atmosphere, whatever you want to call it. When I was thirteen, I had a horse riding accident. The moment it happened my mum knew despite being miles away from me. When I was fifteen, I met a man later found to be a paedophile; something about him had me very uncomfortable. Numerous visits to places of historic interest have caused all sorts of feelings to run through me. I may write about them some day. Despite being curious about it all, I never really did anything about it. Never looked into it or anything. That changed when I was about twenty years old.

I was a part of, and still am, the virtual community Second Life. On there, I got talking with a Shaman about my experiences and he said he would talk me through meeting my spirit guide. Looking back, I should have said no. I was by no means ready mentally or spiritually. I was also doing it in a place flooded with negative energy. My dad is emotionally abusive and controlling, it was his house.

Anyway, we agreed to go ahead. Using headphones. He used a drum in his work and talked me through the process. Going from a meadow down into a cave to meet my guide. He had me speak to this guide, only something was off. I got a bad feeling from the male entity. The entity did not want to tell me it's name and seemed secretive, as well as something else I could not put my finger on. I did not share these feelings with the Shaman, I only told him that it wouldn't give it's name. After concluding the session, the Shaman suggested others and I half-hearted agreed.

There never was another session.

I felt odd after the session. Jumpy. I cannot remember if what happened next was that night or the night after. I do remember what happened clearly though. I often stayed up late then, 1am, 2am, yes 3am too. I had blinds rather than curtains, so I could see shadows clearly through them. As I laid in bed, trying to get to sleep, a feeling of dread came over me. I sensed pure hatred and anger aimed directly at me through my window. Turning over, I looked at it and saw a dark shadow figure staring straight through the window. I sensed it was male. I also sensed something was stopping it from entering my room. Turning back over, my heart racing, I started praying to Jehovah. I just want to explain, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, but I was not one at the time nor am I one now. I refuse to follow any formal religion while still believing in Jehovah. To me, religion is a personal thing between the person and their God (s). So I believe wholeheartedly that it was Jehovah that prevented the entity from entering my room. I also believe that it was Him that made it to leave. By the time they prayer was finish, the entity had gone. With it too were the feelings.

As you could imagine, I was very spooked by the whole experience. It stopped me from going back to the Shaman. I never really thought about why back then, I now I feel the entity I met on my path was the same one that visited me that night. I was so very vulnerable and naive back then. I knew nothing of shielding or cleansing, I was surrounded by negative energy, depressed and so very vulnerable. I was perfect pickings and by doing what I did, I must have been lit up like a beacon. A huge spiritual sign that just yelled out 'come and get me' above my head.

Nowadays I'm a lot stronger. I know how to shield, cleanse and ground. Part of my learning to do so was spurred on by this experience. I am also away from my dad's house and all that negativity. While I still experience the other stuff, I have not reached out to try to meet my spirit guide again. I am undecided as to if I ever will.