Neelsies' Final Goodbye

It all started with my eldest son. He brought a little miniature Doberman puppy home one day from school. It was such a cute little thing and he called him Blacky. Blacky was his dog and went everywhere with him. Blacky got sick one day and died at the vet. Our hearts were broken. My husband dug a deep hole and we buried him in the back yard.

My son got Blacky from his friend. His friend came to my home after a view months with another little black bundle in his hands and he said that I must have the puppy to make up for the loss of Blacky. This time I could pick the name because no one in the household could think of a proper name that fitted him. I called the little dog Neelsie. We grew very fond of Neelsie. Neelsie got very special attention from all of us. He was now part of his human family.

Neelsie was not even a year old when he got sick. My husband and I took him to our vet for examination and treatment. The vet took blood for testing and everything. It turned out that he contracted an airborne brain virus that was going around at that time in our suburb. We did everything in human power to turn his condition around, but his condition just went down day by day. He started to turn blind I had to feed him by hand. Our vet did a CT scan of his brain to see if we can pull him through. Our vet was so kind that she gave me permission to nurse him at home because of my medical background experience. She inserted a port to a vain in his front leg because he started to get fits. I slept with him on my chest and when I felt he was going to have a fit I would give him Valum injection through the port so he could be relaxed and pain free. It was one night with fits and Valium and my husband and I was finished. We couldn't take it to see him suffer like this. We made a decision that if the scan showed that there was no hope of recovery then our vet must put him to sleep.

The following morning we were on her doorstep with Neelsie. The scans were bad. My husband couldn't take it and went outside to his truck waiting for me. I finally said goodbye to Neelsie and he died in my arms while she gave him the injection. I couldn't stop crying, and the worst part is that our vet refused for us to bury him in our yard because of this virus, and he was sent for cremation.

Everybody felt sad but I couldn't get over it. I just couldn't let go of Neelsie's death. I cried without stopping. I just couldn't control myself. I kept on thinking of him and cried myself through two weeks. It felt like the pieces of my broken heart will never be picked up. After two weeks of grieving I went to sit on my bed just to get hold of myself again and to pray to God. I asked God that why did He not help Neelsie, and why our puppy, why not a street dog that suffers anyway from day to day? I had so many questions and no answers.

That specific morning I spoke to God and I questioned the fact that while some people cry in pain others re laughing in the rain. It was just not fair to me. That morning everything felt like a waste for me. My other two dogs even went to the living room and they were both howling for a few minutes then they calmed down. Something very strange happened that morning.

While I was sitting on my bed praying and questioning everything I felt something licking my neck. This happened very fast. I opened my eyes quickly out of shock to see what the heck is going on now. It was Neelsie. He cuddled onto my neck like he always did when I picked him up. He was full of life and very happy. He gave me dog kisses like he was very happy to see me. It was like a dream but I was not sleeping. This happened so fast. It was like he was still alive, but I knew it was his spirit visiting me for some reason to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, because I couldn't manage to hold him. It was like an illusion. My hands went through him. In front of my bed I saw a vision of a place that has tall trees in the back ground. There was a gravel road in front of the trees and in front it was field with grass. On this road was a dog like Neelsie waiting with his ears all up. I don't know why this other dog was there. In a way I wandered if it could have been Blacky. I don't know for sure who that other dog might have been. I just knew Neelsie came back to say final goodbye and that he has a friend where he is now and that he is in a place that looks like earth. This happened like I said very fast. It felt like not even a minute, but enough time for Neelsie's final goodbye and a glimpse of where he is in his afterlife now.

After this experience it felt like I was healed of all my sadness and the broken pieces of my heart were put together again by God in this event by showing me where Neelsie is, and the last goodbye. I actually felt so guilty acting that way towards God when Neelsie died. I never cried about Neelsie ever again, in fact when I think of him now I smile, and remember what I saw and experienced that day and it gives me comfort to know where he is, and that I will see him again someday.

I thank God for after life and that our pets are included in His plan with us. I've never experienced something like this again, but once was enough to spiritually heal me inside after losing my dog.