My Childhood Experience

This story started when I was 8. I had this dream about my older cousin, Ricky. (who was 14 at that time) In my dream, I saw him walking so I followed him but he kept telling me to go back and that I can't go with him but I didn't listen and kept following him. He walked and walked and walked, it seemed forever then finally we reached this place. It's all grass with one lone kalamansi tree (Philippine lime) then he said, "I'm here" you can go back now. I wanted to stay with him but he got so upset, he yelled at me and push me and that's when I woke up, very exhausted, it's as if I had just came from a long hike.

That morning, still feeling tired I got up to get ready for school. My mom came to my room to tell me that my cousin is in the living room, he had asked my mom if it's ok with her if we go swimming for a bit and my mom said yes. I was very excited, the beach is only a few steps away from our house but my mom only let's me go if my dad or my cousin is with me. When we got to the beach my cousin told me that he had this dream last night but can't remember what it was about. The only thing he remembered was I was in it and that he woke up tired and felt like he needed to comfort me that's why he came.

He walks and picks me up to and from school everyday, so that day as he was leaving from my school, he told me to definitely wait for him (as sometimes, I get bored waiting so I would just leave with out him). I just laughed and went to my classroom. In the room while waiting for the bell to ring for recess (10am) I had this sudden urge to look outside and my cousin was there waving at me, I smiled and wave back and point the bench using my mouth/lips (we filipinos have this habit of using our mouth/lips to point at things)

As soon as the bell rang I ran outside to look for him but he was nowhere to be found. He wasn't at the bench so I thought maybe he didn't understand me when I pointed the bench so I just went to the canteen/cafeteria and got some snacks. 12pm, we were release for an hour lunch, I usually go home since my house is really close, but no one was home so I thought they were at the store (we use to own a mini grocery store). So I went and Mom was there but she was closing the store and was crying, I asked her what was wrong and she cried even harder. Then I saw my Dad. He told me that Ricky got into some kind of accident and passed away. I got so mad, I was kicking everything around me and was yelling at my Dad, LIAR! I saw him, he came to my school.

I really don't remember what happened after but my Mom said, I insisted on going back to school. My Mom and aunt went with me and they waited outside the classroom. When it was time for me to go home, I sat down at the bench by the gate of my school and refused to leave and insist that I have to wait for Rick., so they sat there with me when all of sudden my Mom felt the hair of her right arms stand up and at that same time, I smiled out of nowhere and started to walk quietly. (I really don't remember any of this, my mom just shared this with me a few years after. I don't even remember how the funeral went, they had to bury him the same day because of the nature of his remains)

In our culture, we have this thing called "pasiyam". Basically we pray for the soul of the departed loved one for 9 days. On the 1st night of the pasiyam, my aunt (Ricky's mom) was very upset with me because I was acting as if nothing happened. I was running around, laughing out loud, and was just happy. My mom told me to stop and I did, and they just went on with the pasiyam. When they finish, they noticed that I disappeared. They looked all over the house but couldn't find me until my cousin Emma (Ricky's older sister) suggested to try looking at the back of their house by the kalamansi tree and true enough, I was there. I was just babbling as if I was talking to someone. They asked her how did she know where to look, and she just said that is their favorite hang out spot (meaning Ricky and I) and this went on until the last day of the pasiyam (again, I don't remember any of this and was just shared to me years after).

A few months after, his parents and older sister migrated to US but before they left, they asked me to take care of his grave. So every Sunday after church I would stop by his grave and bring flowers, light a candle and clean. People got use to seeing me there.

Years passed and this time I was 16. On the morning of my finals, my Mom and I got into a huge fight (I couldn't even remember what we were fighting about). I was walking to my school but I was crying so hard I just couldn't go. I wanted someone to talk to but all my friends were busy studying, it being finals week. So I just went to my cousin's grave and cried my eyes out and told him all my disappointments. I probably got tired of crying I fell asleep. It was really dark already when I woke up so I got up and said goodbye.

As I was walking through the graves, I saw my parents and a group of neighbors. They had been looking for me all day after the school called to let my parents know that I didn't show up for the finals. It never came to them that I would be at the cemetery all that time until someone told them that she had seen me at the cemetery talking to this guy that she doesn't know (you see in our small town, everyone knows everyone). And that I was crying hard/ you can just imagine my mom's horror when she heard I was with a guy in a cemetery. I told my parents that I was not with a guy, I was just letting my frustration out by crying and talking out loud, but my parent's believe that my cousin was there listening to me.

My Grandmother said that my dream was a premonition and if I had stayed with him in that "place" I would have died in my sleep/ I'm not sure if I believe this but the elderly in my town strongly believe it.

Thank you for reading and I'm very sorry if it's a bit long.