I recently lost my best friend and confidant, Derek "Durty" Williams, in a tragic motorcycle accident in the early morning hours of August 10, 2013. Many days I've spent blaming myself for his death because he had asked me to come see him the night of his accident but I had blown him off because I did not feel like driving the 45 minutes to get to his home in Garden Grove, CA. The morning I received the call he had died was the worst day of my life but with two little girls I could not let them see how destroyed I was. I never spoke of his death or how he died in front of them. He had been like an uncle to my girls and they loved him.
Today 10/21/13 my daughter began talking about how Derek had fallen off his motorcycle and was very hurt. She said that it was very dark and that he was covered in dirt. I have to emphasize, I have NEVER spoken to or in front of my kids about how he died. It is not so much the mention of Derek that has me alarmed but the fact that she keeps touching on that fact that he "fell off his motorcycle and is very hurt." Also the mention of it being very dark has raised alarm bells because he was killed at 12:45AM. I don't know whether to take this as a gift that he is reaching out to us or if I should be scared. I really do not want him telling her negative things about himself as it will only scare her if this is in fact what he is doing.
I have also experienced something myself but everyone I've told thinks I am crazy so I have kept it to myself. About 2 weeks after Derek's death, I decided to get on my motorcycle because before then, I just could not bear to even look at it because I cried every time I did. As soon as I sat on the motorcycle I immediately felt a weird sensation, almost like a sense of being out of body, like I was looking down at myself. I know it sounds so weird but I will describe the rest of this story as best I can. As I rode I felt an overwhelming sense of confidence (VERY unlike my riding style). I was taking turns as high speeds, riding my bike as high RPMs which was very much the way Derek rode. It is so hard to describe this instance besides just simply, I was not the one riding the bike. Like I said I could see myself riding but it wasn't really me riding. The technique, style and experience was not mine.
It has not happened again since that day. I don't know how to verify that this is going on or what to do about it.
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