Sat On And Choked By Something Unseen

Hi Lilpeachy,
I'm so glad you posted this story and reading the great comments have made me realise I'm not so 'odd' after all! 😊
I came from a good Catholic family, but stepped out of the Catholic church in my late teens. There were many reasons for this, but one in particular which I won't go into, as it still has the power to make me very angry! I looked at other religions and it took a while before I began to realise that though they all 'look' different, they all have the same purpose. That's when I stepped away all together and I've never regretted doing so.
That's not to say I don't believe though. I pray often and whenever I'm afraid, such as the few occasions I've had sleep paralysis, calling for Jesus or Michael the Archangel works immediately every time, just as praying worked for you.
Best wishes to you!

So I've been thinking. What if whatever it was, was me? Or a part of me anyway. Like my soul/spirit/subconsciousness? A part of me died that day, I denounced my religion within days of it happening. It's as if whatever it was killed off that part of me and my life and set me free...

Lilpeachyghost ~

I tend to think that what you experienced was more likely psychosomatic than spiritual, but I'm hardly an expert on either. In the end it matters little what I think of your experience, what matters is what you think of it. Do you believe it was spiritual?

That said, I am glad that you are at peace with yourself. The only true source for your happiness is yourself. To have a happy life you need to be comfortable in your skin.

I agree with both of you. I have created my own path too. All those experiences I had as a child completely shaped my mindset from the beginning. I didn't hold a religion as a child but just vaguely believed in a higher power. I was young so didn't have strong beliefs or a family that put them on me. Once I saw those things and kept seeing them, it made me believe there are many things going on in this world we don't and may never fully understand.

I don't know if they are ghosts, demons, fairies, or just things we as humans can't conceive, perhaps just my brain making things for me to see. I find being agnostic the way for me because religion didn't work but atheism doesn't define me either because I have a hard time holding a strong belief (or lack of belief). I just have lots of different ideas and theories.

I don't understand those who shame or try to convince others to their path. That is so off-putting and immediately makes me feel awkward around people. I used to work for a catholic organization and when someone in my circle was listening to me talk about my job they just started going on a rant about how it's dumb to believe in religion. I was just over here like "um? I am just talking about what I do, which was being a resident assistant?" It was so weird how as soon as they knew it was a catholic organization, they just went on rants. I think a lot of people both religious and atheist are uncomfortable with not having the security of absolute knowledge of why we are here and what everything means so in turn they become pushy and obsessive treating others like idiots for it. I find the comfort in being agnostic and not knowing absolute truths if there are any at all. I think everyone has to find a way to be comfortable with their existence without bothering others.

It's awesome that you found a path that is comfortable for you lilpeachy.

That's great, lilpeachyghost!

It's one of those lines that Shakespeare absolutely nailed: "This above all, to thine own self be true..." Sure, Polonius is an idiot in *Hamlet,* but it's because he doesn't follow his own sage advice.

I'm happily agnostic, now; allowing others the comfort of their beliefs, provided they don't get preachy with me. I half-jokingly told a button-pushing, religiously-zealous colleague that "I've met too many people to believe in a God who has an organized plan."

Best,
Biblio.

Hello Bibliothecarius, I'm no longer a person of faith or religion. I don't believe in any man-made god/religion. I do believe there is a higher power, if you will. But I don't think they are anything like what any of our earthly religions describe or believe in. They are quite possibly far beyond what we can comprehend as humans. I do still "pray" but I talk to and share my hopes and desires with beings of love and light, to maybe my ancestors, to Mother Nature, to whoever listens and, I dabble in Tarot. So I guess in a way, I do have faith but not the way I used to. I am definitely much more free to be who I truly am and in doing so, I'm a happier person.

Greetings, lilpeachyghost!

I'll admit that this may not be as helpful as I'd like; however, I was asking myself the same two questions as I read your narrative: Is this a subconscious manifestation of feeling oppressed, or is it a hostile spirit? As prayer with a friend alleviated the situation (and ruled out sleep paralysis, to boot!), I'm inclined to go with it being a negative entity that was drawn to your inner conflict.

On a personal note, I spent a somewhat-awkward decade calling myself "a lapsed protestant" because I couldn't bring myself to admit that I am agnostic. I had not wanted to admit that I didn't have any real religious conviction, merely the desire to find the solace that others seemed to get from the practice of religion. Your shift in tone indicates that you are a happier person, now, and that's great! Any religion that tells you to be good, honest, and kind but to lie to yourself and to others about who you are as a person is *dangerous* to the psyche of people in genuine distress.

To that end, I'd like to point out that "faith" and "religion" are not the same thing. "Faith" is what you believe, "religion" is how you practice that belief. You left a church (mosque, temple, meeting hall...) that was stifling you, which was a very healthy step to take. If you are still a person of faith, I'm sure you can find a religious group who will accept you for who you -and who your partner- are.

My honesty required that I confront my doubts; yours required that you acknowledge your very human need for love. If you are still someone who maintains your belief in God, find a community that is as accepting and as welcoming to you as Jesus told his disciples to be.

Sincere best,
Biblio.