My son decided to visit my mom's grave a few years back but wasn't sure exactly where it was in the cemetery. My son always blamed himself for her death because a few days after an argument with her she had one of her heart attacks, she died a month later. It was Christmas eve 1983.
I tried to explain to him that she was only given 5 years to live if she didn't have open heart surgery and she didn't want it. And the 5 years were up at this point so she was living on borrowed time. Mom had a way of saying things like "if you don't quit that, you are going to give me a heart attack" or "are you trying to kill me?" so of course, my son remember one of her comments and so he was sure the petty argument was the cause of her death. My mom accused me of killing my father (of a broken heart) because I married so young (16/17) and had a child. So it was part of her personality to place guilt on us kids.
Her death, ruined many Christmas' because it brought back memories for all of us, it was hard to celebrate a happy occasion mixed with a sad one. My son's ex-wife told me it was a big cause in the break up their marriage. So being I lived in Florida and he in NJ, I decided to write him a long letter explaining the facts of her death and why my mom would say such things.
I guess it helped him because he started getting over his guilt and come Christmas he had a good time.
Well as I stated, he decided to go to the cemetery to visit her grave. He kind of knew where the plot was but not really sure where to look. He started to "talk" to my mom asking where she was and all of the sudden music came blaring out of a window of a house across the street from the cemetery. The song was one of his favorites, a heavy metal song about dying (not stairway to heaven) but I can't remember the name. He walked towards the music and when it stopped, he looked down and there was my family plot. No other music came out of that window the remainder of the time he was there.
He stayed a long time and made peace with her as well as visiting my father's grave and other family members he never met.
The cemetery is in the middle of a neighborhood surrounded by homes on all 4 sides so it wasn't unusual to hear outside noises or see people in the area. It just seemed strange that on this day a song from my son's past regarding death and dying was playing loudly out a window, and quit just as he got to the right plot.
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