Hard To Say Goodbye

This is some pretty hard stuff to write especially when you still grieve but I'll try and cut a long story short.

It's being two years since my cousin's passing. Earl only turned 25 and everyone had come back from Auckland back to Whanganui it had being a long weekend.

On Sunday my cousin rang to say Earl was in hospital. I thought he was in hospital for minor injuries. We went up to the hospital where I saw my aunty all stressed out. I went in to comfort my aunty and cousins. We didn't know what was wrong with him. A few hours later the doctor came out and said "Earl had had a stroke which had caused paralysism to his left side. We stayed at the hospital until late. Everyone was their and trust me my family are not small.

The following morning around 5 am we got the phone call from the hospital to say that Earl had taken a turn for the worse and he was brain dead. It felt like there was no hope left in this world. Later that day we went up to the i.c.u room we were all kicking back spending time with him just thinking off all the memories we all had with the him.

My uncle (Earl's dad) told us to come to the meeting room where he told us that some test were done and there was nothing they could do for him so they were going to turn him off the machines. I remember those words my uncle said "He is going to be turned of on Tuesday at 5pm" everyone started crying.

That night I went home and cried myself to sleep I lay in my bed thinking people tell me god takes the best but I think he just selfish he never gave us a warning or a sign. Tuesday had arrived everyone was getting ready to go to the hospital. When we got there everybody was saying there goodbyes.

I remember being in the room with Earl's younger brother. We were talking when I smelt this strong as perfume. I knew straight away it was my nanny gurly. She had come to take him away to a better place.

5pm had come all my whanau was gathered around the room. We had karakia (prayer) then the doctor came in and said it was time. I could hear people in the background saying come on brother

Pull through you can do it. The doctors turned his machine off and started taking the tubes out. Ten minutes later the doctor came in to check his pulse. He had passed away.

I'm not going into funeral details.

Christmas had came it had only been a few days after the tangi (funeral). I was at my cousins and I was doing something I shouldn't of being doing. I felt sick so I went to the bathroom to chuck up when I looked beside me I saw Earl standing in the bath tube I was so happy to see him. But the strangest thing was we were in the bathroom but when I was talking to him we were in the kitchen out the marae he was saying to me common bro chuck up I could feel him helping me out.

After that I have never seen him again but my other cousins have but that's a different story. I miss the bro and it's hard but no one said life easy I know he keeping us safe thanks ma bro love you.