I'm not sure entirely where to start. I'm not even entirely sure I want to spill my guts either. I guess I'm afraid that finally voicing this will make me even more susceptible. I have had so many experiences, I'm only going to write a few in this for now. Here it goes I guess...
The first time I ever experienced a paranormal phenomenon, I was about 4 years old. I remember it like it had just happened yesterday though. It was terrifying. I was sitting up in a bed at my grandma's house (a room that as I grew up I learned was home to a large amount of paranormal activity). I had just been tucked in bed and was laying there when I saw a shadow at the end of my bed. I remember feeling incredibly scared and nervous. I just sat there staring at it when it began moving and talking to me. I remember absolutely clearly the shadow figure asking me how I wanted to die and then it started laughing. I screamed at the top of my lungs and as my grandma and mother came running up the stairs, it looked like the page of a book turning and the figure was gone.
It had been a couple years since the shadow figure. I hadn't noticed any activity since. I was probably about 8 at this point. One night I was laying in bed and I could hear heavy metal music faintly. I remember complaining to my parents that I could not sleep because of their music. They told me all of the televisions were off and they were sleeping. There was no music. They sent me back to bed but I kept hearing it. My parents went outside to see if it was coming from a neighbour's house but the street was silent. I ended up falling asleep despite the music. The night following this one, I was in bed once more. This time I was asleep. I had an angel and demon dream. More of a nightmare really. In my dream I was going over to the angel when the demon grabbed my arm hard and bit me. I remember the demon's face perfectly. It had bulging eyes and sharp teeth about 2 inches long. It bit my arm and I woke up screaming. There were long scratch marks on my arm when I woke up. I was screaming so badly, I remember my mother putting holy water on me. My grandmother put a Bible under my bed open to psalm 91. Following this, it was years before I ever had another experience.
Fast forward to the age of 13. My mother started collecting antiques around this time. Until today, I never knew a spirit could attach to items. I had noticed myself becoming dark. Unhappy. This was happening to both my parents as well. Increased fighting, bad moods... The entire feel of the household was stress and anger. For some reason, my brother was the only one not affected.
My mother and I were out for a drive in the car when all of the locks started locking and unlocking uncontrollably, over and over. While this was happening the interior light was going on and off. The interior light was going brighter than we had ever seen it. Brighter than the capability of the light bulb. The music also cranked up really loud suddenly. We pulled over and jumped out of the car. Petrified. After a few minutes it stopped and we hesitantly got back in.
A few nights later I was looking out the front door and saw someone standing on the front porch. When I went to check it out, there was no one there.
When I was 17, I had my first child. There were so many times as a baby he would sit there and look around, searching for something. He would all of a sudden get very excited, wave, and giggle. This would go on forever. One thing is wrong with this, it was only him and I in the room. When he got old enough to talk, he came out of his room talking about Grandma Rose and how she says hi. Grandma Rose was my great grandmother who passed when I was 8. We never spoke of her to him. My mother does have her wedding dress on display in the house though.
One night, I got up to get a drink of water. I looked over toward my parent's bedroom door and screamed as I saw someone standing outside of their bedroom. My mother told me about 5 minutes after she heard me scream, she saw someone standing in her room.
Many things have happened since then. From hearing voices as clear as day and being paralyzed, to sudden pain, sudden scents, extreme feelings of being uneasy. I have a 1 year old daughter now and she just started doing the same search and wave thing my son did.
Any thoughts? I am tired of living my life in fear and constantly feeling uneasy.
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Obviously cleansing is a very good idea. I'm not religious either, it doesn't have to be faith based to work. But a faith based ritual will work fine even if you're not religious. Go with what ever feels right to you.
I want to echo what Valkricry raised about your children's behaviour. I too would take that as a good sign.
Given what happened with that shadow figure at such a young age no one could blame you for being hyper vigilant about any supernatural carry on.
But look on the bright side, that was years ago. It seems like your great grandma is providing some kind of protection in your home. I'd take comfort in that too.
On the topic of antiques and old stuff in general. Sure energies and spirits can attach to them. But that does not mean the end of the world. I grew up with antiques, I still live with them, my house is a shrine to old stuff so to speak. I get tapped on the shoulder and the odd poke here and there. I don't care. I cleanse and protect my living space, it would be foolish not to. But beyond this I don't mind the odd 'howdy doody' from the odd cheeky ghost, within reason.
The point I'm trying to make is that maybe the ghostly comings and goings in your life right now aren't as ill willed as you think. That doesn't make them little saints either. But it doesn't sound, to me at least, like they're anything like the horrendous being that scared you when you were young.
Attitude is a very powerful protection tool, try to relax and do cleanse regularly. It really does make a huge difference.