So it's been about a year since I last posted. To give a quick background summary of what has happened in my past posts:
When I was a child a shadow figure has been stalking me and causing me to be very angry and violent as well as from the more recent post has caused me to hate more and more every day. It left after elementary school but came back a little over a year ago.
For anybody who wants to look at my past posts you can look into my profile for them otherwise here is a link to my last one (which in turn has a link to the one before that): http://www.yourghoststories.com/real-ghost-story.php?story=20956
Now why have I come here to write more? Simple. Things are getting worse. It has become hard for me to feel any happiness that isn't faked. I hate almost everybody except for a few people I know. I am always hateful/angry/depressed in some way but have as of late decided to try and ignore it all. It seems that I have tried everything to stop hating and stop my anger but it never works.
The last major event I can remember was when Shadow Man invaded my home. I could feel his presence stronger than I have in my life and I haven't felt it that strongly since. I felt as if I was going to be dragged out of my house and dragged into some deep dark pit. I was so paranoid about this over the summer that I spent almost two or more months (I don't remember the exact length of time) staying up until the sun rise to make sure I made it past the night. I even told my friend at the time that if I ever stopped messaging her that I was missing and went as far as to tell her that something was in my house (which she tried to calm me about).
But aside from that big event I have started feeling another thing other than just hate and anger. Fear. And why do I feel fear? I guess the best way to explain it is through a dream I had (and I know this is not a dream site but it has a LOT to do with how I am currently feeling and a LOT to do with The Shadow Man and may give you and me more insight or just insight to my own mind if nothing else).
Dream:
I was in a house. I didn't notice this at the time but the house was run down and looked to be falling apart. I was in that house because I was a journalist and was told to interview a murderer. I don't know why a convicted murderer would be under house arrest but it made sense in the dream at the time. I asked him why he had killed so many people and instead of giving me a simple answer he started to laugh maniacally and tell me about what he did in every different one and why he loved doing it. It was actually quite disgusting even for my broken mind. After a while I noticed something, I noticed that this man was me. Not me from right now, but an older version of me by maybe 5-10 years. He was loosing a lot of his hair (think of his/"my" hair like Gollum's hair) and he looked extremely malnourished. It was then I noticed a hand caressing his head, a black windy hand that lead up to a strong and tall Shadow Man, with his body still but moving like his body was made of darkness. With that the two left, the older me and his Shadow Man as I turned around to see my own, sitting down next to where I originally sat but was much skinnier than the other one and somehow getting across a "big smile" expression without actually having a face.
That was the end of my dream.
Now before that I was feeling like that. However you may describe that feeling. The feeling that I will inevitably turn into a monster. The feeling that I may already be a monster. The dream just solidified it in my mind. I am afraid now more than I hate and more than I am angry I am fearful. I am afraid I will eventually hurt somebody if I don't keep the Shadow Man in check. I am afraid that I am losing my mind. I haven't seen much of The Shadow Man recently but occasionally I will feel his presents around me, most recently I felt him behind me as I was walking through my hallway.
I don't know what to do anymore really. All I can do, all that I haven't tried is ignoring it and it still tries forcing itself into my mind.
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I also want to encourage you that even though our dreams seems scary or "crazy," there can sometimes be hidden meanings within them, especially when we are going through a difficult time physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I would encourage you to share these dreams with someone you trust, such as a counselor, who may have more insight into what may be the cause of some of these dreams. Sometimes our dreams are just plain weird and off the wall, but other times I believe they are our subconscious' way of telling us something.
It could be that because you are feeling so angry and depressed that you feel you are losing control (the old, dilapidated house; the old, scraggly "you"). Uncontrollable anger and feelings of depression can cause fear because our thoughts go in directions we would never think possible. This could be the cause of seeing the Shadow Man while awake and while dreaming because your thoughts have taken a darker turn than what you are used to.
Please, please, please seek the advice of a counselor who can help you work through this one on one. And please keep us updated on how things are going. I'm not trying to say that what you are experiencing is not paranormal, but our minds are very powerful and it is extremely surprising what we can create.