As I promised I will continue to write more of my stories. As I've said before I have moved to UK nearly 5 years ago and began to work as a care assistant, just nights. There I have experienced the worst things ever.
My first night was horrible for me, not because I have felt something but because I wasn't used to see old, sick people. I just went home and cried for hours, I felt so, so sorry for them, I finally understood how life ends, just sad. I never thought things will become more complicated for me.
First thing that happen was that I began to feel when people were about to die. The first time I did not understand what it meant, I just felt something odd, behind my neck, like a chill... Over and over again every time I have entered that persons room. Of course, after a week she died with me holding her hand. I've said a prayer 3 times and she died... I was just shocked and sad...
I worked there just 1 year because I just couldn't take it anymore... Even my colleagues were kind of afraid to work the same shift like I did. Why? Because strange, odd things happen when I was around...
I will give some examples: One night we were in the laundry room, sorting laundry, me and 2 other girls. The door was closed and it was very quiet, all of a sudden we heard load banging at the laundry door, but I mean really loud, like someone was banging in the door with something heavy. We just froze...I've opened the door but no one was there and in the care home were just us, 3 girls and the people that we cared of, which were above 90 years old... I really doubt it that one of them just run away from the door in 3 seconds.
I've had 7 dead people on my shift, which was a lot. I have also seen and heard a dog barking (in a care home... No way) seen white shadows, light turned on in locked empty rooms, and also I've seen a lady sitting on a chair - She died 2 weeks before.
That wasn't the big problem, the problem was that odd feeling that I had, I knew who was next. Every single time. My colleagues used to call me the Green Reaper. Which wasn't funny at all.
I think I have took them home also because I have heard people breathing near me when no one was there in the room with me, banging in walls. Also something strange that I can't describe: I just woke up after 2 hours of sleep very confused, not knowing were I was, not knowing what I was doing there and even not knowing if I was I...if you get me. It was like I was me but not me, I couldn't feel my body. That happen twice, and my family freaked out. I've called my husband at work telling him that I'm not feeling well. That I'm not me, but I'm me and I feel like I can't describe it but my body is not my body... Probably he thought I'm crazy. Took me a while to settle down, about 1 hour or so.
After that I have quit my job. I began to feel depressed, afraid at every sound. Probably a little bit paranoid also.
In that period of time I have also met a man at an antiques market, I bought a lamp from him and he just looked at me and told me he can see my aura and I have to quit my fear and I can achieve great things. To this day I hadn't quit the fear.
I can also feel people - Alive ones, I can feel what they feel;sadness, happiness and so on. Which depresses me also... I also feel the pain of animals, I can't even look in their eyes (especially stray ones, hungry or hurt) I begin to cry instantly.
For me is very hard sometimes, I just wonder why this world is surrounded by sadness and pain and bad, greedy people.
Now I've moved back to Romania because I couldn't live without my parent and relatives. Being here I also found out (actually dreamed about it, next day I've asked my grandfather if it was true and he confirmed) that one of my relatives was a so called witch. She died literally CRAZY, but she died because she did bad things, she went with the dark side.
This is me... I sometimes think that I am crazy, that something is wrong with me. Reading this now a part of me won't believe all these happenings are true. I write here as a sort of a therapy and I am trying to meet people who can help me making me understand what is happening to me!
Thank you for reading my long story! I am ready to receive advises and I am ready in a way to get read of my fear and accept my gift (I can't believe I am saying this).
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A few years ago, I kept bedside vigil at the hospital for my mother-in-law. When she had gone, I was the only one with her at the time. I held her hand for a while because I didn't want her spirit to feel alone. At that moment, I felt that she was finally at peace after years of pain. I think she had been holding on until then because she had known we needed time to let her go.
It's good that you've received advice from others here on how to protect and care for yourself. My parents taught me the "washing feet" practice to avoid having spirits follow you home. You just need to find a way that suits you. Wishing you all the best.