Let me just say before you read this that losing someone you love deeply changes you. It rocks your core and brings you to the edge of your faith whatever it may or may not be. This is me rocked, raw, and spilling my soul. Take it for what it is. She was young, I am young and this was a tragedy always in the cards for us.
These events I'm about to describe to you are my perception of the truth. I can't tell if all the wacky stuff I'm noticing is grief anymore. It's all very heavy.
My mother saw my doppelganger several times before passing away. She passed away seven months ago today. This has been a difficult year. The fact that I'm sharing this is nutty, but what's the harm? If anything, it feels good to share and remember.
My mother and I had a difficult relationship. We loved each other very much, but she drank until it caused her enough problems to pass away. I didn't see her for a year before she passed away. So sad. I missed and miss her now terribly. She always had something dark around her. Always. When they say addiction is a demon I've experienced it from both ends and it is something otherworldly. I guess they call them spirits for a reason.
Anyway, when she was in the hospital she was telling my aunt that she was seeing me. That I was beautiful again and that I owned a tea shoppe? That must have been what it sounded like sounded to her. My aunt chalked this up to being ill and still recuperating in the hospital from surgery, but it was repetitive. She was telling her I was coming by frequently. Like four visits in total my aunt said.
I wasn't aware until coming across a similar story that a doppelganger is associated with death. Meanwhile the real me had recently lost forty pounds straightened my life out and started working at a diner with a big tea cup sign on the front of the building. When my aunt told me the story unfortunately my mom was already unconscious and never woke up. I guess my doppelganger did one thing right. She gave my mom peace of mind before passing away. She let her know I was okay and my aunt said she seemed happy.
God as messed up as people can be I loved and love my mom so much. I wish I could tell you that I did see her and had peace myself. This is so much more than a ghost story. It's so difficult to write. My doppelganger comforted my mom whatever she was. I feel like she helped her and me. Not seeing my mom is one of the biggest regrets of my life and maybe this is a way of coping with the guilt. Guess I'll never know.
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