Was It Her Spirit?

I'm not sure if this is the correct site to post this - it pales in comparison to some of the stories I have read. I don't know if this is paranormal or just normal. I have an explanation for what I remember, but I don't understand why I remember it in such detail. The explanation: it's all in my head, my imagination. What I don't understand, considering when this happened, is why it is the memory still so vivid?

It was 29 years ago, an average ordinary Saturday evening in March. My friend (will call my friend 'P') and I were driving around, as we usually did (on the highway). We were driving back to P's hometown. There is a bend in the road that skirts around a small hill. The hill is tall enough that I couldn't see the town from where we were positioned, but I could see the clouds above were illuminated from the streetlights in town. I do remember thinking that that looked amazing.

We rounded the corner, not far behind another vehicle. I recall the tail lights. I remember noting that a vehicle was approaching in the opposite lane so I glanced down at the speedometer to confirm that I wasn't speeding, proceeded to glance over and see that P was putting out a cigarette in the ashtray. Looking at the speedometer, then the cigarette would have taken a split second.

The next thing I remember was someone in a crouched position on the other side of the driver's door. The glass must have broken because I don't recall rolling the window down. I recognized the man (but I can't remember his name - EMS) and I clearly understood what he was saying, but the only words I remember where "don't look over there". He was referring to my friend.

I was calm and I can't figure out why. Hearing his instruction, being somewhat defiant at that age, I looked toward my friend. I can still clearly see what P is wearing. I can see how P's hair was. I can see the white runners, black pants, and P's jacket - green felt torso with white leather sleeves.

P was rested against the seat, left arm resting in P's lap. P's head was tilted toward the passenger door, so I could not see P's face.

As I was looking at P, my peripheral vision blurred, a white light appeared about the same time as P's soul. (I will call it that because I don't know what else to call what I saw) The white light's point of origin was behind P. P stood there, looking at me. "Are you coming?"

I looked at P momentarily and in processing the question, I turned my head and looked through the windshield. I saw multiple vehicles; I saw people seeming to run around the scene. I looked a bit more to my left and saw fire trucks. I saw fire hoses lying on the asphalt. I noted the street lights and grain elevators that lined the highway.

Then I thought about my 17 living years. I thought about all the things I haven't done. I thought "That's it? Seventeen years and that it? Still processing what P had asked, I was almost disappointed in life, thinking that seventeen years really isn't long enough to have accomplished anything (although from a seventeen year olds perspective, that's a long time). I hadn't actually made up my mind, whether or not I was going with P. I looked back in the direction of the fire trucks, looked straight ahead through the windshield, then looked back at P. Now I was thinking nothing. I just looked at P.

P did a 'Mona Lisa' smile, turned and started walking away - further into the white light. P faded at the same rate as the white light. When the light completely faded, the scenery was back to night time colours of dark blue and black.

What I remember next was being in the emergency room, arguing with the doctor. And that is where my life continued and P's didn't.

What adds to my confusion and misunderstanding is how this memory (?) was revived. Apparently, I told this story to someone visiting me when I was in ICU. I was on morphine, so I don't remember telling anyone this (I don't remember much being on morphine). This person relayed this story back to me a few weeks after.

Being on morphine, and what I remember, versus what actually happened is actually comical. For instance, one night while in the hospital, I decided to walk to a friend's house - in my head, I wasn't in the hospital, I was sitting in the living room. What actually happened, I pulled out all the needles, tubes and whatever else was attached, and started walking down the hospital hallway.

I don't know if my mind created this false memory or if it is an actual memory. If it was a morphine induced memory, why can I remember talking to the EMS, while I was still sitting in the vehicle? If it was a morphine induced memory, why did P's soul wait around until I decided whether or not I was coming with? Why can I still see the expression (or lack of) on P's face as P turned and walked away?

I guess I'm looking for confirmation. I want to believe that what I remember is what actually happened. There are many skeptics in my life - I don't actually know how many people, family or otherwise, I have told this story too - therefore, I don't know who would believe me or how I would feel if they did.

I'm looking for confirmation, because if I can get that, then a few things that have happened in my life since then would become a whole lot more acceptable (in my eyes).