Am I Really Crazy?

If you read my story "Life Long Journey of Weird Experiences" you will know I mentioned something about strange occurrences that happened when I was a teen. I don't believe they're paranormal, but it was definitely something.

I've always been an angry person. I don't know why, but I used to be so cold and mean. If I didn't get my way, I thought everyone had to suffer too. I think most teenage kids think like that though. Well as you can imagine, people didn't always like me. I mostly fought with guys because they thought I would take their crap and I never did.

Around the age of 17, I would say certain things and they'd happen. It was very coincidental. My friends were freaked out by it. So they told me to pick someone, pick a date and a time and what was going to happen and we'll all see what happens. Well, I did and it happened. I think it involved some girl we didn't like, getting a speeding ticket or something to that nature-nothing bad. This girl, by the way, messed around with spells and whatnot. She was not a nice person.

Well, after that incident, I felt pretty "powerful" because of it. I had some "gift" that no one else had. At least that's how I thought of it then. (My views have changed A LOT since I was a kid) People would try and throw stuff at me when I wasn't looking and I would catch it. Like my reflexes were extra sensitive. Now, I know a lot of you are thinking "what is this girl on...?" I wouldn't believe it myself if someone told me this, but this stuff really happened. And I freaked a few people out because of it. It wasn't terrifying in any way, just weird. I think my best friend, when she'd tell people about it, they beefed it up some as well.

Back to the anger issue, when I would get mad I would wish bad things to happen to people-nothing fatal, but something significant. Now, I don't remember exactly what I wished to happen, because I did this a lot. My anger created a playing field for my so-called "gift".

Could it have been a coincidence? I don't know.

Well, little did I know that it would be a heavy burden on me. I was always sick and my depression just got worse and worse. I began hating myself and pushing my friends away. I was very destructive. At the time, I didn't realize any of it was connected, but I know now that it was.

Now, even though I still believe this has something to do with our minds. I can't help but wonder why things came back to me. Was it karma, maybe? I strongly believe in mind over matter. Our brains are very powerful, but most of us use very little of it. I guess some people can activate some weird powers our brains have. I don't know. I think it's possible for anyone to will something to happen. It happens all the time.

Most of us don't even realize it.

After a few years, I finally had to convince myself to stop wishing such negative things on people. It never made me feel any better. Negativity can bring you down really low. I've been there many times and don't wish to go back there. The only demons I've faced are my own.

Another weird incident happened when I was like 18, I believe. My friend, her boyfriend, his friend and I all went to see Independence Day. On our way to the theatre, a man was leaving as we were coming. Things began to move in slow motion for me. I had locked eyes with this man. I had no idea who he was. And he said, "God?" and I replied back with, "No, I'm not God..." and then things were in real time because I heard my friends laughing. And the dude looked at me confused and said he had asked me if I was okay or something. It was strange.

We still laugh about that to this day, but I can't understand why that happened. What was its significance? Was I hallucinating? Did my mind go nuts?

I don't know. Things like that still happen sometimes, but I ignore them because I know people think I'm crazy.

This next one may be paranormal or my mind was playing tricks on me. I mentioned the depression earlier in this story. I didn't start medicating myself until I was 25. I was against drugs (apparently, not marijuana) for a large part of my life, but by the time I was 25, I had gone to a dark place and couldn't come out of it. I saw a doctor and he put me on anti-depressants. It made me catatonic, so I stopped using them. So he put me on something else. It didn't help me, in fact, I felt worse.

Well, I don't want to admit this, but I tried to end my life one night after days and days of continuous crying and self-loathing. I failed, thankfully and I spent a week in the psych ward. The doctors really didn't tell me anything. They were very rude, actually. The nurses were nice and so were the counsellors they had on staff for group meetings we all had to attend 3 times a day. I did not know what drugs they were making me take, but they made me extremely tired and groggy when I had to wake up. So I was in this stoned-like state a lot.

The last day I was there, I woke up at 5 in the morning. I looked around and it was pitch black and I was a bit groggy. I lied back down and tried to go back to sleep. A little bit later, I felt someone sit on the bed with me. And these are those thermal hospital beds that have air in them, so if someone sits on the corner, the other side will raise some. So something sat on the bed and I thought it was my mother who came early to pick me up. I opened my eyes and no one was there. I was a bit freaked out, so I went and talked to one of the nurses in the nurse's station and she told me to try to go to sleep. I was still out of it, so I did what she said.

When it was time to check out, the doctor came in there and gave me prescriptions for 2 anti-depressants (one with anti-anxiety) and a schizophrenic drug called Seroquel. At the time, I didn't know its purpose. Well I get home and I kept seeing black objects in the corner of my eyes move. I'd wake up from sleeping and see spiders coming down towards my head from their webs. AND I HATE SPIDERS. I was freaking out! I went online and tried to see what the side effects of these drugs were and that's when I found out about Seroquel. I immediately stopped taking it and the side effects eventually stopped.

Has anyone else had problems with anti-depressants and other such drugs? Did the drugs make me believe someone sat on my bed?