In the last years of elementary school, lot things happened.
My mom remarried in June, my third grade year and my cat ran away during spring break, when I wasn't even in Kentucky! These events had an extremely negative impact on me. I'm a very... Emotional person, so I thought that my cat ran away from me because I did something wrong! Now I know better, of course, but because of this one thought, I became suicidal. I also hated my new stepdad (I still hate him, just not as much). At first, I was just moping around school and home. Then I woke up one night, around midnight and I knew everyone was asleep, so I tip-toed into the kitchen and pulled a sharp steak knife out of the knife block. I covered my mouth and started to cry. The knife was about an inch away from my chest when something made me drop it. I quickly picked it up and put back into the block and ran back into my room.
Later, my dad was driving on a very busy highway. I was still extremely depressed, I knew the car was going really fast and there were a lot of other cars driving really fast nearby. I never wore my seatbelt when I was little, so I didn't have to unbuckle anything. I turned to face the door. I closed my eyes and pulled the handle. The door flew open and I was about to jump out when the door flew shut! I started crying and my dad yelled at me. For the next year, my parents kept a child lock on my door.
One night, my mom was talking about smothering, which was a way to die that I hadn't known of. I screamed at my mom that I was going to smother myself and ran into my room and locked the door. I grabbed my pillow and held it to my face until something yanked my hands down and made me drop the pillow. I gasped so loud, that my mom nearly pushed the door down trying to get into my room. I was sitting on my bed, all balled up and starting to cry.
Eventually, I had to see a therapist. I promise you all I am not lying. I was a suicidal third grader.
When my therapist asked me about my cat, I told her about a weird dream I had, and I still have it. In the dream there are tons of cats around me. They are all big fat orange tabbies, like the cat that ran away. I would run over to one to try to pick it up and hold it, thinking my baby was back home (this cat was my best friend and he was a person to me). When I was bending down to pick him up, he'd change into stripes, my stepdad's cat, who looks just like big dot, the cat that ran away. I'd scream, then see another orange tabby and run to it. This happened over and over again. I also told her about a dream that I had and I was in Macy's at the Fayette mall. There was huge plasma screen TV on a table and I'm running away from the angel of death. I run to the TV and turn it off and the dream restarts. I still have this dream, too.
I began seeing black cat figures (before my stepdad moved in but after big dot ran away) I would whisper-shout big dot, the black thing would look at me, then fade. I would start to cry.
I used to have a bed (now I have a futon) and one night, I couldn't get to sleep, so I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. After about five minutes, a huge yellow ball appeared in the right corner. I stared at it and it got bigger. I threw the covers over my head and prayed for it to go away (I think I was in 5th grade when this happened; I didn't understand my religion until like 5th grade).
About a month ago, I couldn't get to sleep so I rolled over onto my side and looked at my closet door. There was a yellow line of light that seemed to get bigger after I stared at it for a while. I blinked and it was still there. I was creeped out!
I also saw, and still see, black figures shaped like people, but sometimes they are just blobs, walking around my room. Sometimes they come towards me and I scream silently and they disappear.
Thanks for reading!
Old_ky_home1047
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❤ always,
Old_ky_home1047