As a child I didn't really ever have experiences with anything paranormal... That is until I was 12 years old. I totally brought this upon myself and I have been living with the consequences ever since.
I grew up in a relatively devout catholic family and always believed in God. I never had tried to dabble in anything like this previously: quite the contrary, I always knew better than to mess with anything occult. Why I did what I did that morning I will never know, except to say that I was a young child that had a momentary lapse in judgment. Ok, so here is the story...
When I was twelve my parents decided to take a week long trip to Spain and I was left to stay with my grandfather who lived way out in the country on a 1500 acre farm. Not that I think that this had anything to do with what happened, but the house was very old and creepy to me as a child. One morning I woke up very early before the sun had come up. In the room I was staying in there where blackout shades so even during the day the room stayed almost completely dark when the shade was drawn. As I was laying there awake I started thinking about this episode of the twilight zone I had seen where a terminally ill man is confronted by the devil and trades his soul for a thousand years of life and he couldn't die, etc... Well my 12 year old self started thinking, there is a lot of cool things that I wanted and maybe I could just try and see what would happen if I attempted such an endeavor. I really didn't know how to go about it, so I just sat up in bed and started talking aloud. I said "I will trade you this and that (whatever my 12 year old self wanted at the time) in exchange for my soul". Well, I sat there and nothing happened. I waited, waited... Nothing. Well that settles that I thought, feeling pretty stupid. So I lay back down and started to dose off. I was at the point right before you fall asleep (ironically, I later learned, called the twilight zone) when I felt something grab the back of my neck, hard. I bolted up, startled, and looked around. Nothing. Well, I thought, maybe I had actually made it to sleep and just dreamed it. This didn't really frighten me too much and I lay back down. This time I fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep but I don't think it was too long. All I know is that I was asleep and then BAM I was instantly wide awake. Standing over me was a giant shadow being (I assume it was a shadow, just remember that it was almost pitch black in the room) and there was some force holding me to the bed. I was unable to move or scream during this whole experience which I think lasted about 15 seconds. Since I couldn't do anything else, I closed my eyes in terror. This is when the moan/scream happened. I heard this not with my ears, but it was in my head. It started as a long, low moan and transitioned itself into this blood curtling scream. Words do not do this noise justice -- it was so far from anything human. I can only imagine it is what can be heard in hell. By this point I was so scared that I think the only reason I didn't have a heart attack was that I had a healthy 12 year old heart. Finally I was able to mouth out the word "stop" and as soon as I did, everything ceased. I was trembling so hard that I thought for a second that something was actually shaking the bed. I have never prayed so hard or with so much conviction in my life. I stayed where I was probably for a full 5 minutes praying simply because I was too scared to get out of bed to get to the door. Finally I summed up the courage and basically smacked through the door. While this was the worst of my experiences, it certainly was not the only one.
For years to this day, I would be visited by this force that would come and hold me to my bed, unable to move or scream. It seemed to happen less frequently as the years went by, and rarely happens anymore which brings me to another point that I would like to touch on.
In reading some other stories on here people talk about the sleep paralysis, and some of the responses people give is that it is a matter of simple sleep paralysis. I know for a fact that what happens to me is no natural occurrence because it would happen quite often while I was awake. I could feel the presence of something on certain nights and know that it was going to happen. I would lie there in the dark, scared and alone and wait. It would always start as a tingle that started at the base of my spine and work its way up. When it reached my neck and head I would instantly be held to the bed. I learned after a while that I could tense up when I felt the sensation start and I could hold it down to the base of my spine, but inevitably I couldn't do it all night and out of exhaustion I would give in. Although I never saw the shadow figure again, I would from time to time experience EXTREMELY loud buzzing sounds or intense instant feelings of extreme panic. I would have nightmares that were like no other dreams that I had ever had... They were so vivid and real, and entirely evil. I know in my heart that they were associated with the terror that I brought upon myself. Needless to say, I was fairly traumatized by this throughout my teenage years.
Something that has always made me wonder since this happened is why didn't God protect me from these repeated attacks. Certainly these experiences had brought me closer to God - I prayed to him constantly at night for protection (among other things of course) and it never seemed to do any good. I would call into the darkness, rebuking it in the name of Jesus to no avail. Some might say that I am forever damned for what I did, and that the reason I was beyond protection was that I placed myself entirely in Satan's power. But I do not believe this. Am I to be forever held accountable for the sin that I committed as a child? No, God's power and forgiveness saves all and nothing is above that. I have made my peace with what I have done and lived with the consequences. Hopefully my torment has been my penance.
I would love to hear about any questions or comments on this because I get so little constructive feedback. I hope my story helps people believe that there is a battle between good and evil out there and it helps people believe.
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