I have always been weird, since I was a child, I really don't remember much from my childhood but my mom told me that I could see shadow people following real humans. I've been told stories about how I disappeared as a baby, think I was 2 years old I was playing in the front yard of our house, my grandfather was watching over me while cooking, suddenly he gets a phone call from my dad saying I'm at grandmothers (from my fathers side) house, they live in the same neighbourhood, but you have to cross some traffic to get there. Nobody really knows how I got there, my dad found me playing on my grandmothers porch alone.
Anyway, nothing really scary happened to me as a child (or at least I think so), I think it all must have started when I was 13 or 14, I got really sick, so sick I think I actually died. We were going to meet a doctor because my throat was swollen up bad, in the waiting room everything started to spin I felt so dizzy an sleepy, I thought to myself that I would close my eyes just for a little while and I did.
I had the strangest dream, a lucid dream, I was in a black room without floors, ceiling and walls, it was so strange, I looked around I don't like dark spaces but I felt at peace. Suddenly I could hear my mom from a far distance calling my name and I thought to myself; I have to see what she wants to say. I felt as someone had put an enormous weight on me, it felt like I was falling down and I opened my eyes and I saw my moms face almost pressed up to my, she looked terrified and she was shouting out my name in front of me.
I told her I was sorry I just fell asleep, she said I didn't, that I suddenly turned pale with my eyes opened and my arm started to make almost epileptic movements. I hadn't been breathing.
Some years after that the dreams started, similar to what others have described. I don't notice that I fall asleep I'm lying in bed listening to music and suddenly I felt that something was pulling my leg almost lifting me up and turning me round and round in my bed, suddenly I freed myself, tried to run into my grandparents room (was currently living with them cause it was closer to school and I was a lazy kid). I take my pillow and my cell phone, I can't move so good, it's like I'm too tired, like something was holding me down. Well when I finally get to the other room I notice that my cell phone starts playing music, but by then I had closed my eyes and didn't manage to open them, it took some time, and when I was awake again I didn't recognise where I was until I understood that I was in my own bed and nothing of that had really happened.
So, a bad dream, I thought but it just continued and it got worse. I've been dragged, I've been hit and yes it's similar to paralysis, the difference is that I'm struggling to wake up, but I just get pushed back into my dream. I always knew when I was dreaming, I used to hit or pinch myself telling myself to wake up. The thing is that that doesn't work anymore, I think that I wake up but the case is that I'm still dreaming and it keeps happening over and over until I wake up almost beating the crap out myself to see if I'm really awake.
There are some other disturbing details. I always wake up between 3 and 4. Now I sleep with the lights on but I still wake up really really afraid. For some time I stopped sleeping. For a while I thought I have found a way to stop it, sleeping in the same room as my sister made me feel much better, but that soon changed when I woke in the middle of the night to find her with red glowing eyes.
When I'm not having this hypnagogic dreams, I dream other things, thing I don't like talking about to others because I fear that they might think I'm crazy (maybe I am. Once I dreamt I killed a teenage boy and ate his heart. I could almost taste the blood in my mouth when I woke from that dream, I could remember how the flesh almost seemed like rubber and I thought I was going to throw up.
I've started to question myself if I have a soul, I've been falling into a big depression and everything I do just turns into shiat. I wonder if I've should have died that day? Am I crazy?
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