It all began when I was five years old. Being almost 29 years old now, I sit back and think of all of the times I was told, "It was just a bad dream or you had a nightmare," that it was all just in my head and I was making up stories to get attention.
As the years go by, experience after experience I had almost convinced myself that maybe I WAS just dreaming them, maybe it WAS just all in my head!? Unfortunately with me, this was more then just "a bad dream" or a "nightmare" or just a sad little girl looking for attention. It was, in fact, a terrifying reality for me and being VERY young when this all started I really didn't know what to make of my sensitivities or how to handle myself when I had an encounter with a spirit that was sometimes, or rather than "most times", of a negative or violent presence. Being a kid and thinking "hey, maybe my mom is right and I am making things up, it might just be all in my imagination" but that just wasn't the case at all!
I was seeing things walk around in the darkness at night and people standing next to my bed watching me sleep. I have felt something touch me at random times and I have had my bedroom door open slowly and then SLAM shut on its own and, of course, it was always me to get the blame... I have had shadows crawl from my closet and even watched some come up my basement stairs too. And I have also had a strange voice call to me from my basement as well, calling my name, asking me to come downstairs! I have had my blankets torn from my bed on numerous occasions, SO much to the point that I in fact STOPPED calling out for help, in fear of my parents just giving me trouble for my "imagination running wild" again!
It was torture for me, and it was like living in a horror movie most of the time. Where no matter how hard you cry out for help, NOBODY believes you, and it broke my heart! I was the girl who was afraid to be alone in the dark, and sadly enough as it is, at 28, I STLL am. I have had experiences with dead people my entire life and it wasn't, and still isn't, easy to control myself when I come in contact with something "supernatural". I understand that most lost souls are trying to reach out for help and don't really want to harm you at all. My experiences being more horrifying then most, leads me back to my very first experience I had as a young girl.
Staying over for a sleepover at my friend's house for the weekend was pretty exciting for me being only five years old at the time. We were supposed to play Barbies and stay up late that night and just do all of the stuff that little girls enjoyed doing. Well, I had never been to her house before so it was my first time ever being there... And I would like to say it was a good experience, but it was in fact the complete opposite. I remember seeing the great big old house on the hill located on Eastchester Avenue for the first time and being very uncomfortable to say the least! It was, in fact, a gorgeous old Victorian house... But there was just something "odd" about it and my stomach and conscience were agreeing with me a lot on that day.
I remember looking at my mother when we had gotten out of the car and almost breaking into tears because at that point something was making me very nervous! But, like any little girl I figured "Hey, it's just an old house... Nothing to be afraid of!" and then walked with my mother to greet my friend and her mom who were waiting on the front porch for us.
Well, later on that day my mother and my friend's mom decided to go out for a girls' night and had gotten my mom's friends younger brother who was, I believe, 18 at the time to watch after us girls. Being two very bright young girls, we pretty much knew how to get ready for bed ourselves, so he didn't have all too much he had to do other then just listen in on us every once in awhile and make sure we were in bed at no later than 9. So off my mother and friend's mom went for the night and my friend and I too into the girly things we were doing, completely unaware of them even leaving, started towards the stairs in the hallway.
The whole day I had been there, she and I were in the living room mostly and hadn't gone upstairs yet! She had been talking about how cool her new room was because it had a funny shaped roof (it was, in fact, a loft type room off of the attic) hence why she said the roof was funny looking. So, having my curiosity peaked at that point, us two happy girls made our way up the stairs towards her room.
It was almost like an instant reaction of fear as soon as we hit her bedroom door. I remember grabbing her arm and stopping both her and I dead in our tracks for a minute before she opened the door. I looked at her and asked her, "Don't you feel that?"... She looked at me like I was nuts and said, "I don't feel anything, why?" I looked down at my arms and saw the hair standing on end at that point and just let go of her arm and said "It's nothing, never mind, it must just be my imagination!" Confused, but not letting that stop our fun, we proceeded to play Barbies for awhile and not wanting to ruin our time, I just let go of what I "thought" I felt.
Well, it didn't last too long because the entire time we sat there playing I STILL had the feeling that something just wasn't right. It felt like something was literally going to happen and with my gut feeling at the time I knew it wasn't for the good. I had an eerie feeling of being watched and sometimes thought I would hear whispers coming from behind the attic door which was right across from her room! I was so nervous and I again felt so overemotional that I wanted to break into tears, and I had NO idea of why I was even feeling that way! I looked at my friend and told her that I was scared and I couldn't understand why I was so frightened! I then started crying my eyes out and she was shocked and just looked at me with disbelief... Apparently my friend didn't feel anything that I was trying to explain to her and at that point she was clueless of how to console me, so she just hugged me and told me it's okay and our moms will be back soon.
A couple hours go by and unfortunately our mothers ended up staying out later than expected, and I was then dreading 9pm because I knew I would have no choice but to sleep over in my friend's room, where I obviously was extremely uncomfortable being in. Well, bedtime was near and her and I were told by her uncle (the sitter) to get ready for bed. I had tried convincing her and him to let us stay downstairs in the living room on the floor until my mother got back, I pleaded with them and obviously didn't get my way... So I was forced to swallow my fears and just suck it up for the night, or at least until I heard my mother back in the house at some point.
Anyhow, we went back up the stairs towards her room and right off the bat "BAM" I had that gut feeling yet again! I nicely and yet firmly said, "I am going sleep by the wall tonight and not the edge of the bed okay!?" My friend, looking at me and yet being overtired at the time and usually had to debate to have her way most of the time said, "This is MY bed and I want to sleep on the inside!"
So, there I was laying on my side on the edge of the bed constantly afraid that something wrong was about to happen, constantly glaring at the attic door that was now giving off a very uneasy feeling for me! She slept with the hall light on and the door halfway open for some light to see through the night so it was hard for me NOT to have to stare at the attic door which made the experience even more horrifying for me. For hours, while my friend was quietly passed out beside me I was still hearing the whispers that I heard before and once again that "sad" feeling came over me! I tried with every once of my strength to just close my eyes and go to sleep, and told myself over and over "It's not real, you're going to be fine as soon as mom gets back!"... But the intensity of the feeling just got worse and worse... I was yet again feeling a presence staring at me and I was so nervous and started to cry very silently as I pulled the covers up to my face and tried to keep myself tucked into the bed.
Closing my eyes, I tried over and over to just ignore the bad feelings that I was having. I also didn't want to wake my friend who was obviously not believing me at all, so I just lay there... Shaking in fear, a young girl confused, scared and crying for what seems to be "no" reason at all. I looked over at her alarm clock to realize that it was just after midnight and I had been in bed awake for hours which seemed more like an eternity for me that night! Exhausted, I finally roll over again to my side and try to carry off into sleep, when all of a sudden... I hear a faint crying, it sounded like an old woman crying her eyes out and the scariest part is that it sounded like it was coming from the attic! I sat up and looked over at my friend to make sure it wasn't her that was the source to the cries I was hearing, and found her still passed out and even snoring at this point. Confused, the tears rolling down my cheeks as I turned to look over at the attic door.
The cries started getting louder and louder until "it" "her"... "whoever or whatever" it was, was now sobbing their heart out uncontrollably! I couldn't believe what I was hearing and how it seemed to be ONLY me that heard it and I was stricken with fear instantly and so confused of what I should do! I thought to myself, "Should I wake my friend up?... "Should I just jump out of this bed and run downstairs as fast as I can!?" I was horrified! I couldn't believe what was going on and I couldn't understand WHY it was happening to me! As I sat up in bed thinking about the choices of how I was going to free myself of this fear, constantly watching the door, KNOWING something bad was going to happen! Then, just as soon as I blinked, the attic door's knob slowly turned and the door began to open, the bottom dragging against the old wood floor, squeaking while it opens up very slowly! I looked out into the darkness at the door which was now just over halfway open, with my heart POUNDING out of my chest and trying my hardest to keep myself from screaming out in terror... I watched, to see only darkness for a moment and then all of a sudden the cries had began to start up and at this point I am crying my eyes out as well because it felt like my heart was literally BREAKING for whoever this was that was sobbing through the night.
I was horrified and yet I felt SO much SORROW at the same time and I just couldn't explain or understand it! All of a sudden out of the darkness crawled an old woman... She crawled through the now open attic door and across the hallway and was making her way towards me rather eagerly! She was all bloodied up and looked like she was beaten from head to toe and was crying uncontrollably! I was HORRIFIED! I looked at the woman in disbelief and couldn't believe what I was seeing! She was now right up beside me and looked at me with so much pain and suffering in her eyes and said, "Help, me... You must HELP ME!" She then proceeded to grab onto my arm and pull me and at that point I jumped up and screamed so loud I scared my friend awake! My friend got angry and jumped up out of her bed and turned the lights on immediately!
Trying to explain what I had just encountered through my cries of terror, I looked over to see that the old woman's spirit was gone and my friend and I were the only ones in the room! My friend listened to my story but she even told me, "You must have had a nightmare, Tiff" and shook her head in disbelief. But, not wanting to get woken up again, she had then agreed to go downstairs with me for the night until our mothers were back! We both slept on the couch together until morning and when we all sat down for breakfast, my mother noticed bruises on my arm which looked like adult-sized fingerprints and even half of a palm mark! She asked us if we had been carrying on, being too rough and play fighting last night or something... But then took it back because they were way to big to be a child's hand that made them. I didn't say anything and looking over at my friend. We both just tried to ignore what happened the night before. Until I got home later on that night with my mother and I had tried to explain to her what had happened that night and once again, the same response... "It was only a nightmare, or your imagination Tiff!"..."Stop it with this nonsense"!
I really wish that I could say that it WAS my imagination or just a very creepy nightmare, but the experiences only worsened and would happen much more often throughout my life including being haunted by an older man in a black suit who has been following me on and off since I was six years old. He only really comes around when my life is out of sorts and I am stressed out and has always just watched me and has NEVER said a word, he just smiles from time to time and follows me! I have also had countless nights being woken up by spirits trying to get my attention and very often even waking up with marks and bruises and some scratches that come in 3's which is a mocking of the trinity and isn't very good!
So, even though my experiences aren't always happy or good experiences with the dead, I have gone my entire life dealing with the good and the bad... Sometimes all they ever want or need is your help! If they can reach out to you and make a connection, trust me, THEY WILL! Try not to be to frightened of them... They were also once a living person with a heart and soul just like the rest of us... So try and be patient and always, ALWAYS try and hear them out before passing judgements, because even if the person looks like a scene from a horror movie, doesn't mean they are the BAD one and they may just need to be heard, try and help them if you can... Even if you don't succeed, it's the thought that counts and the spirit will more than likely thank you for your efforts!
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-Shady.