Friday, July 21, 2006, I was going to Wisconsin to visit my dad for a week. Now here's a brief history on that... I am 24, I never met my dad until I was 21, so this was the second time I went to Wisconsin to visit. My daughter was 11 months old, we stopped on our way out to see my Mom and Papa and say good bye, my Mom said that I needed to say "Goodbye for good". It was so hard to do, my Papa had been sick for about six years with dementia and eventually full blown Alzheimer. He was so sick when I was supposed to leave that I almost didn't go at all.
My family told me to go because Papa would want me to. I remember when I was little one time I asked him if he would be my daddy, he said "I'm your Papa, but you do have a heavenly father". I was very close to him, I went to church with him every Sunday when I was younger, and I personally feel that I was the closest to him of all the grandchildren.
Sunday, July 23rd, two days after we left my mom called and told me he had passed. I dropped to my knees and just cried uncontrollably. I was going to cut my visit short and go home for his funeral and to be there with my family. My mom asked everyone there (at the house where he passed) if they would have any ill feelings towards me if I stayed in Wisconsin for the rest of the week as planned, they understood that Papa would have wanted me to stay and get to know my dad and family up there. I had to make the decision to stay or go, I really felt guilty about it but I stayed, I should have been there going through the same thing everyone else in my family was going through. I was really sad and cried every time I thought about him and my family back home.
That night when I went to sleep I was dreaming about cars and people everywhere, I don't know it was weird, then all of the sudden, I was sitting in a chair and I saw my Papa, he walked around and sat in a chair across from me, sat and looked at one another for a minute and he says, "Abby, I Love you!" then he was gone and I woke up and cried. I know that was his way of saying goodbye! I felt a little more at ease after that but I still feel guilty that I wasn't there for my family.
I still have a very hard time talking about him, or in this case writing about him. I cry A LOT, I can't bring myself to go to his grave although I really want to.
This was really hard for me to write, I cried the whole time, so I hope you enjoy it.
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