My story began at the age of 12. I was lying in my bed and had fallen asleep. I remember waking up, or assuming I was awake, to the smell of something like a burning camp fire. In front of me was an 8 1/2 foot tall static figure. Like static on a TV screen, the inside of the figure moved with static as I lay paralyzed. I was not that afraid, I was in complete shock - so much so that I imprinted this moment in my brain - the static figure standing and an overwhelming smell of smoke and camp fire.
The next night I awoke again, but the figure this time was 8-9 feet, and a large black shadow figure. I was immediately overcome with the most intense fear I have ever experienced (to this day). It felt as though this figure was intelligent, and was expelling a condensed intense energy of pure fear.
The following two nights, the black figure returned. On those two nights, I recall feeling it (give the sensation) of shaking my body continuously and I could hear only the sound of a train, and with the fear I felt the figure have some sort of satisfaction from all of this torture.
I continued to see the black figure for 4 years. After trying to find answers most my life to these episodes, I could only come to the conclusion that it was chronic sleep paralysis. Until the age of 16 I had these nightly events at least once a week for 4 years.
At the age of 17, I was sleeping in a friend's bed after many friends had gotten together and spent the night. I opened my eyes and a piercing glow of light blue overcame me. I focused on what was in front of me, and there stood 7 figures. Each one was a warped version of the other, and their faces were obscured and in strange states of emotion, some seemed to be straining, while half their face was coming in and out of focus. One face looked in shock, but none looked completely human. They stood from tallest to shortest, the tallest to the right. The tallest one said "We are the relatives," - its voice felt like a low suction and made my insides feel empty. I had so much experience with sleep paralysis at this point, that I awoke (fully) in instance later, the whole thing lasting about 20 seconds.
These instances I wrote about so far are the earliest and most visually terrifying ones.
I'd like to make clear, at this point, that I had visited several doctors to find answers. They said I was 'depressed.' I was put on an anti-depressant.
As I got older, and into my 20's, the events became much verbal and less visual. I would lay down, and a moment later hear something right next to my ear. Usually it felt like it was on a different frequency, like turning a radio dial, a pause, and then it would burst out talking. Most the time I heard a low male voice.
Like many people, I would hear my name being called. Often, laughing (one of the most common). The voice always came with a sensation of an essence - as in the energy of something that was very specific, a unique personality, but not a human.
In my 20's I ended up seeing 5 psychiatrists and 2 psychologists. None of these professionals thought I had any actual mental disorder, except depression. I just want to clarify that I went to great lengths to get help, or understand, scientifically, why this was happening to me. I did also turn to religion on and off in my life, either by placebo or actuality, a belief in God has helped. At every doctor visit I've ever had, all my blood sugar and blood tests came back normal. I have never had any serious disease or illness.
I want to conclude with where I am now, and how this has evolved. I am now 30, and the last year has been the worst. I attempted to practice meditating (like many people do) and find inner peace. I started getting 'visions' out of nowhere. I would be just walking or standing, and my whole brain would 'shut out' to a scene in my head. These scenes always involved someone that I knew, and there was some sort of spirit or spiritual element as a basis for the vision. I have had about 10 of these now, they are usually a faded bright light spectrum of colors. Very vivid and surreal.
I really don't even want to mention this last event, but I will. I was having a dream where I became aware (about 4 months ago). I was swimming at the the bottom of a pool, and on the other side of the pool was a man/creature sitting submerged in the water, his skin was white and his eyes were burned out of his head, it was incredibly vivid.
I was at the park a few weeks later, and for the first time in my life while I can confirm I was awake completely, I saw spirits moving in the wind. They were transparent brushes of dresses, they looked like attire from the 1700's or so. I smelled intense burning, but there was nothing burning near by to my knowledge. The transparent figures (the bottoms of their feet and gowns) went in an orchestrated circle around the park. I heard in my head "I orchestrate them" and I saw the man with his eyes burnt out.
After this I attempted suicide by pill overdose, and as you can assume I am alive. I have a BA in psychology, I hoped to figure out what was wrong with me. I still don't know.
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