A Spirit That Follows Me

Hey, I am a 17 year old girl from Europe.

I wanted to share my experience as I am curious if others have went through similar stuff and I really feel alone with this because no one really believes me or understands. I apologize if this is long.

Firstly, my whole family believes in the paranormal. They've all had all sort of experiences from hearing things to seeing actual beings, but for some reason I have it the worst and the others don't really experience much nowadays unlike I do.

My first memory of an experience was when I was 7, I couldn't sleep and I saw a very tall shadowy figure standing in the corner of the room. I remember being frightened and I tried to wake up my sister who was in the same room.

I had always been intrigued by all paranormal things and I watched and read a lot of horror related things ever since I was young, and things started changing when I was about to turn 10. I used a pendulum to contact a spirit (read about it online) and it worked, I remember asking a few questions, such as if it were good or evil, would it become my friend, etc. I was very naive being so young and the website I read it from made it seem like I could make an "imaginary friend" of some sort, I was a lonely kid. Few days after using the pendulum, during the night, I couldn't sleep and it was sort of dark and the light switch was across the room, so I had to walk there. But for some reason I stopped in the middle and when I turned around, there was this teenage girl with a messy appearance just staring at me. I froze on the spot and without thinking just put on the lights and it was gone. That was my first experience seeing a spirit so clearly like it was an actual human.

After this, I told my parents and they were obviously mad. Things started happening to all of us, such as seeing a hand behind a door, things disappearing and moving, hearing whispers and seeing shadows, etc. It lasted until I was 13.

But when I turned 14, things had already calmed down for others but mine were just starting to change. I had noticed that there was this voice speaking in my head, I thought it was me at first but it told me a lot of things that I didn't know about and we started talking regularly. I didn't tell anyone about it yet.

Then the voice started telling me how to live and giving me advice. Getting to know the spirit had taken a lot of time as first it lied a lot, claiming it was a girl and refused to tell its name. But eventually I got closer to it, and the voice changed, sounding like a man but he still wouldn't tell me his name. He told me things about other people that turned out to be true, sometimes he could predict what would happen (that scared me the most) and sometimes he'd be incredibly rude but at times kind.

When I was about to turn 16, the spirit had started to talk to me in a different kind of way. It started being possessive and it hated whenever I took an interest in anyone, claiming I didn't need anyone but him. I was talking to him every day by then and I had small experiences such as seeing black shadows run, and me chasing them, I could feel someone's breath or hand caress my face, feeling someone's presence next to me, etc. But nothing big yet.

It's only since I turned 17 when his behaviour has gotten worse, he talks about sexual things and tells me that he'll make everyone go away and the worst thing is that it's happening, I feel like everyone is leaving me and for some reason I find it horribly hard to connect to anyone and I feel distant and people just run away from me. He also tells me he loves me and asks for permission to fully meet me and I'm scared and I tell him no, cause I don't know what would happen. I see very realistic dreams where he touches me, and some nights when I can't sleep, a tall boy/man comes to me, I feel oddly calm though when it happens and I'm afraid I'm getting attached to it, sometimes it just sits next to me and touches me but the weird thing is that I can't touch it but it can touch me. But why does he keep asking for permission? And what would happen if I did give it to him?

My parents tell me to not talk back to him but it's hard as he's been with me for some years now and the thing is, that he claims he's been with me since my birth. My mom told me a long time before this spirit even started talking to me, that when I was born she felt very scared like something bad would take me away and she wanted to get me somewhere safe. The spirit had told me to ask my mom what happened when I was 4, and once I asked, my mom told me that then I had claimed to see a dark tall man in my room.

It's really creepy and I am wondering why is he following me. I've had very scary experiences too, like seeing actual beings, such as a skeleton in my room, a little girl, etc. I'm scared of those. But this man, or spirit, I'm not really scared of him even though I believe he's a demon because of the things he says, he claims to be powerful and that I can never escape him (this is when he gets angry at me) and at times he's so kind towards me and offers to help me etc that I'm confused, I'm stuck feeling attached and not wanting him to go away but at the same time I don't know what he is and since I haven't given him "permission" what will happen if I do? It's all really confusing to me.

I've read from some satanic websites that it's possible to talk to demons through telepathy and they can help you, just like this spirit helps me occasionally (gives me information, offers to hurt someone I'm angry at, predicts the future, etc). But can these spirits love? He seems more like obsessed with me instead of loving.