Freedom

I was a young mother in 2004. I loved my husband and children and just enjoyed the day to day routine of raising kids. We were living in Northern California at the time in a cute little home and I was happy.

My oldest just started first grade. I had a three year old and a new baby. Life was busy.

After I walked the oldest to school one day, I just felt so tired. I attributed it to the heat, or not eating enough, or overdoing it with the little ones. The feeling continued the next day and the next. Week after week I just felt so run down. I couldn't figure out why I was so tired. I considered pregnancy but it was so soon after the last baby that I really didn't think it was possible. Plus, as women know, none of the more obvious female signs were there.

It got so bad one day, I just had to go to sleep in the middle of the day on the couch with the little ones cuddled up next to me.

I was in a deep dream of happiness and children and laughing little boys and just this warm pleasant sensation of peace and goodness. It felt like someone was standing next me shaking my arm to wake up. I had that feeling when you are waking up and you can hear someone calling you bringing you to alertness. I heard distinctly a little boy's voice speaking, and he said the words, "I'm free now".

I jolted awake at those words. Sat up straight. I gathered up the little ones and headed straight out for a pregnancy test. I just knew I was pregnant. It was a divine knowledge. As I suspected, the test was positive. So, that's why I was so tired I thought! How strange though that I didn't have the typical signs other than tiredness. But, I knew it wasn't unheard of to be pregnant and not know it so I accepted what was. Happily.

I called my husband at work who was overjoyed and we gushed over the news.

Then, I called my mom who lived in Pennsylvania.

When I called my mom, she said right away, " I know why you are calling". " You do"? I hadn't talked to my mom in a few days. How did she know? "Your pregnant", she squealed. "Yes, but how did you guess" I asked.

My mom said that she was scrubbing her bathroom floors on her hands and knees when she felt the sensation that there was a little boy behind her. Then she felt a little hand touch her shoulder. She about jumped in the air. She was startled but she felt peace. She just knew that I was pregnant and going to have a child. She just felt the overwhelming sensation of a little boy being with her at that moment.

Weird, I thought.

As soon as I could I got myself to the doctors who had to determine how far along I actually was. They had to date with the sonogram because we weren't sure. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Congratulations, you're pregnant". The second thing he said was, " And unfortunately, I'm sorry. This was a twin pregnancy but you can see here that the other baby has passed away."

At that moment I understood the words, "I'm free". That little baby was telling me he was free from this world and at peace. I understood the hand on my mom's back. It was to say, goodbye.

The story has a happy ending. My existing baby was born healthy. It was a boy. As he grew inside me the doctors believe by observing him that he was most likely an identical twin, so the baby I lost was a boy as well. We miss him in our family but are thankful for what we do have. We named the baby that we lost a name that means, "Freedom".