Theres a pretty long backstory to the current situation! Ever since I was little, I remember seeing, feeling, and hearing "spirits". I even recognized them to be not of this world when I was very young. I was always terrified by most, not because of them being different, but of the feeling they'd give me.
I specifically remember the second, specific spirit I saw, and vividly remember. I was 5 years old, and laying in my bed, playing with my stuffed bear doll. All the lights where off, except for my nightlight. I looked into the corner of my room, after feeling a presence which struck me and filled me with fear. In the corner was a handless, footless, skeletal man (?) with whiteish, sideways slit eyes, with a smoky appearance to him. Staring at me, I made eye contact, and just hid under my covers. When I peeked out a few minutes later, its eyes where right in front of the opening with its hand near, I could smell it, it was cold, but almost a fleshy smell to it. I just hid again.
After that I saw black and white figures peeking out at me behind corners, whispering, and more often than not, with full figures, the horrible fear which I wasn't sure what was coming from.
I would also occasionally smell smoke, hear whispering in a specific voice and tone, and catch glimpses in mirrors as if I was black smoke.
When I was 14, I remember meeting a lady about 23? At a friend of my mothers parties, Who was a psychic, and told me I had a spirit attached to me.
After this, I began to pay attention more and more to what I would hear, smell, feel (I've had several spirits push me, and touch me.) and see. I always tried not to make eye contact, or stare, just look through them so they wouldn't notice I could see them.
I began to meditate, and try to block out some of these things. After this, I started to see some terrible things. Rotting people, screaming, the smoke smell getting stronger and stronger. And a familiar spirit in my dreams. A spirit dressed in all in black, not a specific face, light skin with veins and very boney. But I remember, and I still see, a masculine spirit with frost bitten black, or burned long fingers, constantly telling me as I dreamt of people I had crushes on, that I didn't need them, how I didn't need anyone. I remember black figures, with burning red eyes, small ones with the sideways slit eyes, and once in a while, just full people walking by.
When I was around 15, I had a dream I was raped by this black fingered spirit which just FORCED itself into my dreams. Started blacking out, violent behavior, speaking in different languages, and being touched in weird ways. I felt like a black figure was using me as a puppet, or as if I was a doll to it. I had dreams of ripping into myself, trying to grab something and rip it out.
I started having dreams invaded by what I saw. I once did a pendulum and got images of a man with a ripped out bloody eye, followed by dreams of him.
Then I started to get sick. The spirit refused to leave my body, and STILL I feel it following me, and taking place inside of me at times. Its sometimes told me to leave this body, that its time to leave this world even. I've usually ignored it when it spoke to me, or forced a reply. I usually, still don't disagree with it. I started having terrible immune disorders, each encounter worsening how I felt, I developed heart problems after once holding my ground on a decision and trying to rip it out, and going to someone to make this thing leave.
Now I have this black fingered spirit, following me around, touching me (as in freaky, forced hugging) whispering about how its only us, forcing me to agree with it.
My condition health wise is just worsening and worsening now. I've spoken to several people about it, and they all say I need to get it out. But I feel like it would be a bad idea, it would hurt me more than it is now.
I still see the spirits, a few times I've demanded a presence to show itself, only to have black figures show, and just wussing out and pretending I didn't see it, and walk away.
I'm 17 currently. I don't know what I should do, its affecting my thoughts more and more, I've been trying to hold it back, but the more I do, the sicker I become (there is a pretty much direct correlation to if I don't agree or fight it, to how I feel or a new disorder of my body attacking itself I get.)
My parents don't know, only a few friends I see rarely know. I've had other sensitive people tell me I'm being followed. I'm really, really worried at the moment. I don't know what I should do.
I wish all these bad presences would leave, I'm used to them now, but I wish I could go without feeling fear or being horrified by them. I wish this spirit would leave me alone.
It honestly feels like sometimes, its trying to take me away from this world.
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