The past few months have been... Odd to say the least. It started in March I think, 2012. I just moved to live with my aunt and I started to have these slightly erotic dreams with girls that I don't know. The first dream, I was lying on the floor, nude, holding some girl I never met. She said something about me not being able to do something, but I don't remember what. We kissed for a while, then I woke up before anything else happened.
About a month later, I heard whispers. Like someone talking to me, but I couldn't understand anything they said. It sounded like a girl, but it was like she was saying multiple words at once. I kept having these romantic-erotic dreams, and they seemed so real. Each time it was with a new girl, and they always started out so romantic, and it seemed like I could still feel her lingering for minutes after I woke up. Then, they started to get more sexual and less romantic. I had a dream where I was sitting with a skinny, pale, blonde girl who ony spoke french. I hardly speak any french at all, but I spoke to her with such fluency, that it was unreal. When I woke up, I still got that lingering feeling.
Then in the last month or two, it's kind of gone from dreams to reality. My closets and doors will open themselves, I've watched it happen. I've closed one, then found it open again five minutes later. Whenever they open I can sense some presence coming towards me, and I get this strong anxiety. It's like I don't know whether or not I should be afraid of it. I've felt it rub and scratch my back, and it's actually given me a couple of scars. It slashed my leg once, leaving a 2-inch long cut, and it's stabbed me in the neck, arms and legs before. Everytime it touches me, I get an erection, but if I ignore it, it scratches me.
For a while, I couldn't do anything about it, but now I can touch IT. It's freaky. I can push it away, or embrace it, or even fight it. When I first found out I could touch it, I started punching it everytime I found it, but within the last couple of weeks it's been waiting until I lay down. I've felt it play with me, whether it gropes me; caresses my abs, arms, eyes, and neck; or brushes my hair out of my face. Sometimes it just stands next to my bed, and I get this feeling like I'm being watched.
Just within the last four or five days, it's started to lay down next to me, at first, it scared me, but now, it's kind of nice. Sometimes it'll just press it's head against mine, and I sometimes I kiss it. I've spooned with it once so far, but whenever it lays down with me I always get an erection and it tries to get in my pants. I don't let it do anything too sexual or violent, whenever it tries to cut me or grope me, I push it away. I always get this weird feeling of love and lust when it's around, that always has just a tiny bit of dread.
I'm not a Christian, but I'm agnostic and I do pray when I feel I need to, whenever I do she/it just disappears. Last night, she was really active, she was constantly trying to take off my pants and she kept trying to get closer when I pushed her away. I could see her shadow walking around sometimes, and it would walk around my house and eventually come back to me. I've only seen her shadow three times, and she was moving FAST. Faster than I could ever run. Then I just got this urge to put my hand out. I pulled away and I think she got mad, (can they get mad?) because I got this really intense feeling of despair and hate, and I got this really sharp pain on my cheek and my ear. She tried to embrace me, but I pushed her away. I prayed and she was gone. I felt kind of bad, to be honest.
I've been doing some research on succubi, and I read that a lot of times it starts off with dreams and kind of progresses more and more, eventually you can see them like you could see anyone else, but I never read about seeing their shadows. I wouldn't be so worried about her, but I read that there's these things called Umbrood Succubi, which are like the mothers of all succubi, that if you let them have sex with you, they'll consume your soul. I'm not sure if that's true, and if it is, how I could tell if she's one?
I'm not really the occult-type of guy, but I'm not really ignorant to that stuff either. I'm pretty sure it's not a ghost, since I've moved four times in the last 6 months and it's followed me each time. When I'm alone, sometimes I can feel her touching me or other stuff. Right now I can feel her touching my shoulders and my neck, but she feels a lot fainter since last night. Do they get weaker at day or when you pray? Can they talk to you through telepathy? Sometimes, I kind of can hear someone else's thoughts, but I thought I was going crazy (I mean, com'on. I feel things touching me and I start hearing voices? What else would I think?) I never thought that they might be hers until last night, when I started hearing it say to let her do me. It's so confusing...
Any advice would be nice. I'd like to get closer to her, but I kind of like my soul. So if someone could help me identify if she's an Umbrood, that'd be nice. I don't know if there's a way to communicate, but sometimes I think she can read my mind. I'm not sure if I should be looking for a way to banish her, or what. When I meditate, I get closer to her, except when I do mantra meditation, then it's kind of like when I pray. So once again, any advice, info, identification, or anything about succubi really, would be nice.
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You say this thing has been physically abusive to you. Would you tolerate physical abuse from a human lover? Abuse is never, NEVER part of a healthy relationship.
You say it goes away when you pray. If I were in your place, I would pray every single time I felt it's presence. No nookie is good enough to be worth getting smacked around.