Constant

Hey, my name is Lotus; I'm from Denver, CO. I'm 30 years old and I have 3 children ages 10, 6, 5. I also have 4 babies that I had to give back to the Lord. I am a pastor's daughter, have been my whole life. I'm even a woman's leader in the church, but I haven't always had my face turned to God. I was Pagan for a while in my teens and early 20's but its funny I would always go to church wearing Slayer shirts with my eyes painted black and wearing rosaries just to screw with the stupid people that would brown nose me because of WHO my father was in the church and they just wanted to get close to him. I did it mostly for shock value and being a stupid rebellious spoiled brat. The church I grew up in is called Vineyard Christian Fellowship. I'm far from super religious, I just love Jesus and know the truth, however I have friends of many beliefs and it's awesome to learn about every different one, I NEVER judge anyone for what they believe and I'm not one to shove the bible down anyone's throat. I'm just real and basically down with anyone who respects me. I've dealt with spiritual warfare ever since I can remember. I thought everyone could see spirits, angels and demons and speak in tongues and witness the power of the Holy Spirit and the enemy for that matter because it was such an every day thing for me and my family. I'm telling you all this crap so you can kind of get an idea of who I am and these situations. I have 2 older sisters. My parents have been married for EVER like 40 years. My mother has 2 other daughters from her first marriage. When I was 4 we moved from California to Colorado, my half sisters stayed in Cali because my dad was a jerk to be honest and they were teenagers and you know that teens are emotional as well as hormonal, 'specially girls'. My two full sisters and I were still real young. To be honest I don't think my dad knew how to be a dad to teen girls having had no siblings, he didn't know his father, so let's face it teen girls are insane.

Okay I'm going to start with my earliest memories of the house we moved to in Golden, Colorado. It was an old house, so cute, warm and bright in the day time, but at night it took on a totally different feeling. There were three bedrooms 2 baths, a kitchen, dining room and living room on the ground floor as well as a basement. In the basement (uuuhg, the basement!) there was 1 bed room a laundry room and under the stairs you could get to a bigger space on the other side but I NEVER went over there at all. Whenever I was down there I was in my oldest sister's room with her or under my moms feet while she was doing laundry, you know like every kid is. I know I trip over my little ones all the time; it comes with the territory of being a mother, like I always have an audience when I use the restroom. You know what I mean if you have kids. Anyway, no matter what time of day it was, when anyone would use the bathroom in the hallway which we called "the big bathroom" you would get flashes of pornographic images. The wall paper was pink and gold and it started to peel eventually. My mom found pictures glued to the wall of porno under the wall paper. We would have other pastors from different states and what not stay with us every once in a while for Koinonia as well as my dads concerts (he is a worship leader and an evangelist, as am I now) so when they would stay they would be like "Danny UH, there's some crazy stuff going on in that bathroom" My parents knew the house was demonized but not until after we moved in. I don't think we even lived there for a year. But I was 4 like I said and my older sister and I shared a room and used the other room for a play room. When winter came our stuffed animals would be frozen to the wall higher than either one of us could reach.

At night we would hear something sliding down the hallway on the heater vents. Our dresser would shake violently and we would run to tell my mom. She would just be like "there's nothing here but us and Jesus" which we all knew was bull but she just tried to keep us from being afraid. We didn't have much money at the time so she really had no choice but to deny it to us girls. I understand that now. But when I would sleep at night there would be a hand high up on my thigh and a face right next to the left side of my bed, all night but see I wouldn't notice it until my MIND woke up before my eyes opened, do you know what I mean? Like I didn't notice it until it was absent. I never told anyone until like 9 years ago when my older sisters, my father and I were talking about the house and what we had gone through there. My sister explained that she would feel the exact same thing that had happened to me but I never told her that just justified and validated my experiences EVERY night. It was chilling to realize that it wasn't just my imagination.

Once my mother got pushed down the stairs, the stairs were half spiraled and after the thing pushed her it slammed the door in my face. I was behind her following her as usual while she did laundry. 911 didn't exist at the time I was so terrified my mommy was at the end of the stairs hurt. The door wouldn't open, she was yelling casting the demon out in Jesus' name and I did the only thing I knew how and called "0" the operator. My mom and I were the only ones home. My sisters were at school and my dad was at the church working. She got up out of the basement and could open the door before the rescue got there. Her knee is still messed up from it. The thing that pushed her we would see walk through the kitchen to the top of the stairs turn its head look at us then proceed to walk down the stairs, it was a huge dark hooded jerk. While playing by myself my toys would get thrown at me I would get smacked and bit, pinched, tickled.

Eventually there were an incubus and a succubus that would attack me and my dad. I didn't tell anyone or know about my dad having problems too until I got older. One spirit has stuck with me my whole life but it seemed when I was into the dark arts and on drugs being an idiot things would happen I would get attacked but very rarely. Those around me would get messed with. I would make the spirits leave but they always returned. I think it's because my face was turned from God and the enemy had me where he wanted me so he didn't start attacking me REAL bad until I changed my ways of faith and what not. When I was 17 I was driving to school. My steering wheel started shaking like crazy. I looked down for 1 second and hit a parked (yes parked lol!) trailer. I was so badly hurt I was in the ICU for 5 weeks. The trailer I hit had the number 213 spray painted in it; the enemy was always trying to kill me.

Now back to that house in Golden, my older sister which I shared a room with, she was born with a neuro tubular birth defect called Spina Bifida. She can walk but has no sensation in her lower legs and feet. Well one morning she woke up and she came into the living room where my oldest sister and I were watching my favorite show Pinwheel on nickelodeon. That's funny I just remembered that, but any who, she came out and we looked at her left foot. I think it was and there were huge teeth marks that were all bloody and from what I remember it looked like what had bitten her had a really wide mouth. She hadn't noticed it, not being able to feel obviously. My folks took her to Children's Hospital when it was in Denver. The Doc's asked if we had a dog. We didn't, she got a staff infection in the bite which she almost died from it. It seemed to me like she was always dying in the hospital, I felt really like, forgotten by everyone because a lot of focus was on her. She would always get presents, balloons and me being a little girl didn't quite understand. But she was sick, it wasn't like a positive thing she was getting so much attention. I know this now.

Now I live with my man and my children alternate between my ex husband and me every week. My oldest daughter Camille is such a sensitive, she has spirits talking to her and showing themselves to her all the time. She is young and gets frightened. I understand having gone through it myself, but as far as I know she hasn't been sexually assaulted by anything. It's really going to piss me off if my baby gets hurt like I did. My youngest two Sebastian and Savannah~Rose haven't showed any signs of being sensitive like Camille has her whole life. In this apartment we have two rooms a study two bathrooms with sunk in bath tubs a shower, two sinks in each and toilet in both bathrooms. A kitchen (duh) and living/dining area. It's pretty big. Camille and Savvy share a room and Sebastian has his own. Savvy (Savannah~Rose) does crawl into our bed often, but she was a preemie and always slept with me because I was so afraid she would die because she was so tiny. I had postpartum depression so bad; in 2K2 I had a bad pregnancy with my son Annakin. I had to deliver him at 30 weeks gestation, he had the same birth defect as my sister and 2 dead brothers Spina Bifida, and if I were to carry him full term he would have been in the hospital and died if he lived through birth he wouldn't last long, so I made the very hard decision to give him back to the Lord. I did this alone. I was going through a divorce with Camille's daddy my first husband. I was already involved with my second husband but we were just starting out, he did help me a lot but going through the divorce, grieving my son's death and having postpartum depression on top of it all I got pregnant with Sebastian two months after Annakin's birth/death. Sebastian came early, 1 1/2 months to be exact. My second husband guilted me into having sex with him before I was supposed to just four weeks after I gave birth to Sebastian early. Well I ended up pregnant with Savvy and I had to deliver her 8 weeks early too because every time I got pregnant I got sick with a gull bladder disease that produces too many bile acids in my blood which could have been fatal to both me and my baby. SO! I was a mess when Savvy was born to say the least. My second husband was horrible I came to learn sadly. So yes I kept Savvy with me at all times.

Now in this house, apartment really, in the day time its so nice but again at night I am so afraid I can't sleep, I have had sleep paralysis a couple times. I have been waking up with bruises and what not. My boyfriend will wake me up some times because he hears me moaning and yelling casting demons out in my sleep, I will JUST have drifted off and I can see my room as it is though. I will see a spirit and when I try to tell it to leave in Jesus' name, it feels like I'm too tired to get all the words out or it's just hard to speak. Sometimes I will feel a ball of electricity just fly into my head right when I fall to sleep as well. It scares my kids and my man to hear me yelling when I'm supposed to be asleep.

I have found out over the past two years I have cancer, Fibromyalgia, Lupus and I am in constant pain, I pass out all the time. I hit my head and knock my self out. I think it's spiritual, actually I know it. I'm sorry if this is crazy for you to read. But something will trip me or a dark hand will go in front of my eyes so I can't see and I fall and every once in a while the left side of my body will go numb for a few minutes.

When spirits approach me it's always to my left. I'm always being stared at during the night. I can't go to sleep unless my man stays awake and watches me, if he goes to sleep; I won't all night until the sun rises. I am exhausted to say the least its hard to care for my children or clean. I have even stepped down from the pulpit recently. I haven't been able to do my job as far as my ministry goes because of this war fare. There are also things that have happened that are just too morbid for me to submit to this site. I am constantly in prayer it seems. I ask the Holy Spirit to protect my children. I have read stories here on this site and commented even helped a few people who have contacted me outside of this site from seeing my comments here. But it took me so long to post this story because I'm afraid it will cause things to manifest even worse.

This story only scratches the surface of what's going on. I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down who have reached out to me for help because this sh*t is going down. I am sorry if this is too long or if its confusing, as some of you know when you actually sit down to submit your story its hard to keep on track some times and you just want to get as much down as you can for people to understand.

Thank you all so much for reading. ~~Lotus S. Dust~~

P.S.! Please if you want to help understand that I have had the house blessed, but I think it isn't where I live it's me and my family because it happens EVERYWHERE I go. I have even smudged every place I've been more than once. I try to do it every now and again just to stay on top, but this is just getting psychotic. I'm not a nut job; I'm not on dope I'm just at the end of my tether. I hate to admit I get afraid when I am the bravest, hardest chick I know. I am open and willing to any support or suggestions. I don't need anyone to preach at me, because I know the ropes. I'm no stranger to this crap, I am just desperate. I can't even believe I'm really opening this up and posting it. I've always tried to be strong and in control. This is devastating. I will however post more stories for I have many.

Thanx again & bless y'all!~~LSD~~