The Dock, Be Water

"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend." - Bruce Lee

I found this quote to be very suitable and meaningful, for it relates to my story and helped me understand what these incidents/dreams mean.

Ever since Derek passed away I have had countless amazing visits from him through dreams. They were all very pleasant and I always woke up feeling at peace and content with our time together. All except one.

I remembered the dream started off with a dock and a beautiful blue ocean. Imagine a beach with nothing but a dock in the middle of your picture and that was it. As soon as I was there I knew Derek had chosen to meet me here but unlike other dreams, I couldn't see him, but I felt him. Like I mentioned earlier, normally when I get dreams from Derek I am overwhelmed with contentment.

This time, however, I felt awful, and full of rejection. I started to look for him on this beach, running up and down the sand. I couldn't see him, but I felt he didn't want me to see him and he didn't want to be with me, and definitely didn't want to be found. I started to scream out for him and saying things like, "Where are you?! Why don't you want to be with me?! Are you faking your death so you don't have to be with me?!?" - For some reason this is how I felt.

In the end I never did find him and woke up feeling terrible. I cried most of the morning and didn't understand the dream until yesterday. This was 6 years ago.

In my story "I've seen him, and you're not alone" I talked about my dear friend Sunny who passed away almost 2 years ago. His wife is my God-sister (Winter) and their children are my God-children. Needless to say, we were all very close and had, have, and will always have unconditional love for one another. Well, I'm very happy to say that Winter is slowly learning to deal with her loss and is ready to move on (for the most part), but I know she carries a guilt to do so.

Because we grew up together and have gone through many life lessons together, I understand her inside out. I call "tragedies" life lessons now, as I believe they make us who we are today. Anyway, Winter has recently started dating someone and is very fond of him. She tells me about their dates, and how he is very understanding and telling her they can take their time getting to know one another. They have a lot in common and are both parents to 2 children. However, she has trouble deciding how far she wants to take this, I think mostly due to guilt, as this is the first guy she really cared about after Sunny passed.

Last night Winter called me to say she had a really weird dream of Sunny last Sunday, after a great date on Friday with new guy. In her dream it started out with water and a dock. Of course right away I thought of my "dock" dream but didn't connect them yet. She said she saw Sunny's body laying there and she rushed over to hold him and embrace him. She looked over and saw a woman dressed in chic black clothes standing near by. As Sunny woke up, Winter was beyond happy and started kissing his face and touching his cheek. But almost right away she noticed he was looking for the woman in black and didn't acknowledge Winter. She started to feel really sad and rejected and this is when I stopped her and said "OMG Winter... You won't believe this. I get it! I get it now!" This is how the conversation went...

Me: "I had the exact same dream with Derek, minus the woman in black. And I get it now!"

Winter: "Get what?"

Me: "I didn't understand the dream before but now that I think about it, during that time I had just started talking to my now-husband and was feeling really held back by my own emotions and guilt. Like you, I didn't know what I wanted and how I can love someone else. Now, combined with your experience, I get it. They want us to move on, Winter. They are telling us to not look for them any more."

Winter: "F**k. F**k...omg"

I told her this is what it means and that we must trust our own instincts when it comes to this kind of stuff. This is not the first time Derek and Sunny has collaborated together for us to understand. In "I've seen him, and You're not alone" Derek showed me he has seen Sunny. I truly believe down to my core that Sunny knows Winter will tell me everything so he chose to use the dock so that I can explain to Winter what he means, because he knew I would connect the dreams.

Now, I don't know if others out there have had the same type of "dock" dreams, or if the dock means anything in the afterlife, or was it just what Sunny chose to do because he knew I could break it down for Winter upon hearing this. The quote I wrote at the top is what I feel he wants to say to her. For her to live life as it comes, and just go with the flow.

If this was any body else who had this dream I wouldn't dare to imagine that's what it means. But for Winter, I can because our experience is too similar, and also the 4 of us (us, Sunny, and Derek) were the closest of friends and true friends don't have to speak.